I’m quite certain this post isn’t going to win me any popularity contests, but I’ve never really cared about that. In no way do I believe that each and every guy out there pays money for sex. I’m hoping, for my sake at least, that it’s a minority.

So this post is for those woman who are involved with the (hopefully small) percentage of men in the total population who engage in this activity. Since I began escorting I’ve sometimes wondered how I would feel if I were in a committed relationship and I found out my guy was seeing escorts. If I were given the choice between his seeing escorts and having an affair, I’d prefer that he not have an affair and instead see someone like me.

And by me I mean an escort who is fairly exclusive, honest, intelligent, doesn’t take risks, takes care of herself and would never ever allow herself to become emotionally entangled with a client. The difference being that an affair more than probably carries an emotional component to it. Whereas when someone pays for sex, it’s generally limited to a physical act. That being said, I’m sure there are guys who get all caught up in an escort. I’ve had guys try but always nipped it in the bud.

It would be easy for me to make a generalization that all men do this, as all the men I see do! But obviously that’s faulty logic. I just hope my sampling of the population is a small percentage. I keep repeating this but I do hope it’s true. For every woman’s sake. But especially for my sake. Once you’ve seen this side of things it could really sour you on men and love if it were true that you uncovered a secret side that ALL men shared.

In the early days of doing this I remember browsing through the classifieds of other escorts and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! A wide range of, well I’m going to call a spade a spade – completely skanky girls in spread eagle poses. And I could not imagine the guy who would get within a bargepole’s range of these girls.

But there are guys who do and I’ll tell you a story about that tomorrow. (I love it when I already know what I’m going to write about tomorrow!)

So back to the topic of what your guy may be doing behind your back. Most of the men I see are married. Some have girlfriends. I also see a range of guys who are just too hopeless and unattractive to ever entice a woman in the real world to sleep with them regardless of how many dinner dates they splash out on. Every once in a while I’ll meet a new client and he’ll be handsome and smart and young and single. Not quite sure what’s going on there but I do hope they stop when they’re in a solid relationship. My take is they haven’t met the right woman yet and don’t want to lead anybody on with casual sex. I actually respect that.

I respect that a helluva lot more than the guy who’s all “I’m happily married and I love my wife and we have a great sex life. A man just needs variety”. I call bullshit on that. These individuals obviously have some deep seated issues. They attempt to bolster their self esteem with the temporary thrill of a new sexual encounter heightened by the idea that they’re doing something really naughty by paying for it.

So ladies. How do you know your guy is paying for sex?

1. You don’t have sex anymore. Probably because you’ve both let yourselves go to the point that neither one of you are physically attractive any longer. You’re probably happy with this arrangement but he’s a man and well, men need to fuck. Even if they’re fat and gross and smell bad.

2. You call him at lunch or directly after work but he doesn’t answer the phone.

3. He travels a lot. And then doesn’t answer the phone between the hours of 8pm and 11pm. These are the hours businessmen like escorts to pop over to their hotel room. It’s usually after they’ve finished a client/coworker dinner.

4. You notice cash being withdrawn in increments of $300-$500.

5. You find bank statements at their office for accounts you’ve no knowledge of. They never have these sent home.

6. You find an extra cell phone hidden in their car or in their briefcase.

7. And of course the old standby – any charges on the credit card statement that you aren’t familiar with and sound shady. Subscription review sites like to do business under names that are obscure but “dangerous” sounding like “deathstar productions or something similarly stupid and “mysterious”.

And the last one that I hate to mention but it can’t be avoided – you’re pregnant or have recently had a baby. I’ve been really surprised by the number of men who I’ve seen who are expecting a child with their wife. I’m not sure if it’s because the wife doesn’t feel like having sex or because he’s got some hangup about a pregnant woman’s body. It’s awful but there it is.

Men go to all sorts of lengths to disguise their behavior. I once had a client – who I’ve seen many times – telling me that he was using his wife’s bonus for our tryst. My thoughts at the time were “what an asshole” and “if she only knew”.

I’m not trying to break up any marriages here. I just want women to know what they may potentially be dealing with. Because frankly, I think it’s very uncool to cheat on your wife.