April 29, 2008

I Knew That Post Was Going to Open a Can of Worms

Posted in 1 at 10:52 pm by filledeloyer

I’m happy to say that my post What Your Guy May Be Doing Behind Your Back was as controversial as I thought it would be.

But this is OK. Mostly the comments left were sensible and supportive. I can tell that most people read the post objectively and got what I was saying.

I love the whole “you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about” attitude of the remaining posts. Listen. Just because you’ve paid money for sex does not mean you have a clue about what it means to be paid money for sex. If you could only see with my eyes. But that’s what this blog is about. Seeing through my eyes. I have literally had hundreds of experiences sleeping with men who pay for sex. And because of this my perspective (on certain men) was blown wide open. Believe me I wish I didn’t know what I’ve learned about some men. I never generalize and say “all men” by the way. Get that? Good.

And for those of you who do see escorts you can’t hold it against me for wanting to tell other people about your dirty little secret. Because that’s what it is. That’s how you view it as well. A dirty little secret. Otherwise it would come up in conversation more often than I’m sure it does. This is not a personal attack on you. It’s merely a recounting of my experiences with my clients.

I suppose I’m supposed to be the prostitute with the heart of gold, like the women in the movies, who sees the beauty and humanity of each and every guy I’ve been with. It’s difficult to see that part of a person when the exterior and the attitude is appallingly off-putting. Try seeing the beauty in a person who looks at you as a piece of meat.

I don’t have to make any apologies to anybody. I choose to do this. And yes, it’s been rewarding in many ways. I certainly do my best to avoid the guys who view me as a piece of meat. If they tell me their “handle” on some review site you can bet I’m not going to return their email because I already know this is their M.O. On the other hand, some of my clients are absolutely lovely guys and I do enjoy seeing them. They treat me with respect and humanity and tenderness and I return the favor. They are the minority, unfortunately. Men who see escorts have the luxury of going to discussion boards and anonymously talking trash about specific women in the most reprehensibly inhumane manner. This is my place to talk about my experiences as I experience them.

If you’re seeing yourself in the mirror I’m holding up and you don’t like what you see, then don’t look.

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7 Comments »

  1. Giridhar said,

    mmhm.. not all men have hearts of gold… and do all women have gold plated / solid gold hearts?
    first I appreciate that urs is a view of the world as u see it.. from ur perspective.. but if u want to talk about hearts in general or specific.. u have come down from high society high paid escorts to low or lowest part of society filled with sex workers.
    Thailand or Bombay or Calcutta are places where girls are traded for sex even before they attain puberty. Young girls are kidnapped. Some are offered jobs abroad and decieved to become sex slaves. Girl babies born in hospitals are stolen and sold even before they open their eyes. This is reality Fille, not a bit exagerated.

    Most of these brothel chains are (man)handled by women. There are men involved also.. but mostly as henchmen and guards. What are the hearts of these women made of? I was offered a 14 yr old girl in the streets of bangkok by a 35 year old women pimp which i politely refused and wowed not to pay for sex.

    What do you think would have become of that 14 year old girl now? What views would she have about men and women around her?

  2. Sue Murphy said,

    Well said, Fille. I am enjoying reading your blog, you have a very interesting perspective and are a wonderful writer. Your subject matter is way outside my comfort zone and realm of knowledge or experience, but it’s fascinating to hear your stories and your perspective.

    As far as people who agree or disagree with your line of work, you hit it on the head when you say that you CHOOSE to do this for a living. Therefore, because it is YOUR CHOICE, people don’t really have much right to judge you. I personally would not CHOOSE this line of work, then again you may not feel any inclination to choose my line of work either. But I can see by reading your posts that you have a sense of adventure and passion about what you do, much like I have a sense of passion and adventure about my career.

    Here’s to doing what makes you happy in life.

  3. Varun Gupta said,

    Though I hail from a country, India, where most of the regions still bear conservative thoughts. Though I am just 23 and have just read and heard about prostitution, which may encourage many people to undermine my competencies to comment on this issue.

    Still, Fille, I would like to congratulate you and sincerely appreciate your intention and efforts to blog about your experiences. I am thrilled to see this blog becoming a platform for evolution of philosophically and practically creative solutions to some of the fundamental social problems.

    BTW, have you read “Eleven Minutes” by Paulo Coelho?

    May you do good for people around you !

  4. filledeloyer said,

    @varun thanks for your comment. I do hope to do good for people around me : ) Just ending your message in that way is very inspirational. So thank you for that, too.

    I have read Eleven Minutes and it was interesting. I can’t really relate to Maria’s path of destruction but I always like a good read.

  5. filledeloyer said,

    @Sue firstly, thanks for the kind words. Particularly about my writing style. Secondly, I perhaps haven’t made it clear that the escorting thing is a sideline. I’m in tech like many of my readers. It’s pretty liberating to be able to do both. One gives me an opportunity to “sow my wild oats” so to speak. While the other works my brain pretty well.

    I have to say I absolutely LOVE getting the feedback of other women. Particularly other brainy women!

  6. filledeloyer said,

    @Giridhar it’s absolutely awful what’s being forced on impoverished young girls in underdeveloped countries. I don’t dispute that. I don’t consider what I do to be part of that kind of sex trade. Thanks for your comment.

  7. Kate said,

    Fille, great post.

    @Giridhar, while you’re entitled to your opinion, I think your position on the high horse isn’t really appropriate on this blog. It’s not an open thread on, say, The Guardian’s Comment is Free discussing prostitution, it’s the personal blog of a woman who’s made a series of choices.

    There’s a scale of prostitution. Fille’s choices are not the same as the slavery and misery you’re discussing and in effect you’re trying to blackmail her emotionally by posting about the wretched victims of the vile end of the sex trade. It’s a classic position taken by moralisers and those who would proscribe adults making adult choices and it’s not actually tenable. The choice of escorting, as Fille has made, is not the same as the choice to enslave.

    Nor, would I argue, are the men who pay for Fille’s services on a moral par with the men who enslave and who pay for the use of the enslaved. Making an adult transaction with an adult woman who is fully in control of her life is not the same as abusing and raping (for that’s what sex with an enslaved prostitute is) a woman. So please don’t try and play that moral card; it doesn’t wash with me and I imagine it won’t wash with others either.

    Attempting to guilt-trip Fille is frankly a bit pathetic. Agree with her or not but don’t pull emotional blackmail; it’s not debate, it’s manipulation.


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